20 December 2006

How Very Minnesotan

I often think Minnesota's most significant contribution to society in general is the perfection of passive/aggressive behavior. Try waiting on people in a restaurant. Try merging onto a freeway. Try to achieve anything above the mediocre and you'll know what I mean. Minnesotans love to criticize, judge and act like they think they should, but they do it from the armchair, while sitting on their hands, behind your back.

I offer peoples exhibit 'A;' the Mens' Athletic Director from the University of Minnesota, Joel Maturi:
University of North Dakota athletics director Tom Buning said he was surprised Tuesday that the University of Minnesota has decided not to compete against UND in any sport except men's and women's hockey because of the school's Fighting Sioux nickname.

What a joke - trying to stand for something yet clinging to a big fat asterisk. Your nickname offends us, so we will not play your teams! Oh, except for ice hockey, I mean, you can't expect a big school to walk away from all that free money from competing in the WCHA, can you?

Minnesota and North Dakota haven't met in men's basketball since 1983 and have met only once in women's basketball since 1985. In addition to being rivals in men's and women's hockey as members of the Western Collegiate Hockey Association, they compete in swimming, cross country and track and field meets.

We'll show those North Dakota heathens; we will not swim against them!

Minnesota, Wisconsin and Iowa are Big Ten Conference schools with policies against playing nonconference teams with American Indian mascots.

What an incredible use of the word 'arbitrary'; Minnesota, Wisconsin and Iowa continue to play IN-conference University of Illinois; the Fighting Illini. You suppose the Gophers would ever turn down a bowl bid to play Florida State? How about Notre Dame?

There's an old joke about a homely guy who approaches a woman in a bar and asking if she's sleep with him for one million dollars. She looks at him, winces a bit and says "I suppose I would. Why, do you have the million bucks on you?" He says "No, I just had to establish what you are before I started price negotiations."

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