Scooter Libby, Zamboni Driver

I'm sure I've mentioned here my love/hate relationship with Garrison Keillor. Sometimes his brilliance takes my breath away, and sometimes his pettiness makes me want to puke. Today, for the most part, Clever triumphs over Screeching.

One Sunday morning, the Junior Cougars are trailing the Marmots 4-1 in the third
period, and one of the harpies asks why you don't keep your best line on the ice longer, and you reach around to admonish her and accidentally punch her in the left breast, and she files sexual assault charges, and you're called up before the grand jury and -- who knows why -- you tell them you were at home watching Tim Russert on "Meet the Press" and the D.A., an intense guy named Gerald Fitzpatrick, nails you for lying, and you lose your job.

Not bad, but don't forget, Gary, you are not the world's first hockey parent.