a.k.a. "Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Watching Walker, Texas Ranger." (From a viral e-mail; so no link)
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
9. There are two kinds of people in this world: People who suck, and Chuck Norris.
10. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
11. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
12. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
13. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
15. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.