He's Just So CUUUUUTE!!!!

(sing song-y) I know a see-cret!

Barack Obama said Thursday he's chosen his running mate, but coyly kept all the details to himself as he campaigned . . . in Illinois.

Coy=puke

He seemed to relish the frustrations of scores of reporters following him this week in anticipation of the announcement. "Wouldn't you like to know?" he said with a grin when asked by an Associated Press reporter when the text would be sent.

How utterly juvinile.

"I've made the selection, that's all you're gonna get," Obama said . . .

Can't you just see his smarmy dimples?

"You've Had it"

As PJ O'Rourke coined - Age and guile beat youth, "innocence," and a bad haircut any day of the week.

According to police, Smith ordered the boy to dial 911 and then gave him some advice. "Dial 911 and don't attempt to throw the phone at me, or do anything bad or I'll just shoot you," Smith said. When police arrived, they took the teen into custody.

Charges have been filed against the boy and an alleged accomplice.

What a cool story; there is no bad news here.

Except to the sickos so backward in their sense of freedom that they would have preferred to have an 85-year old woman robbed that to have her use a personal firearm to defend herself, her property and her liberty.

You and What Army?

So this was stuck to a gasoline pump near the farm:

I have some bad news for the gas station, the Minnesota PCA, Al Gore, the ethanol mafia, the greenie apparatchiks, and others who can't be concerned with the complexities of daily life: I put this 92-octane brew in a 2002-model year car! Ha! You are not going to box me into that low-rent vodka you call 87-octane gasoline.

I purchased a car (not my flickr image) that has a 9.5 to 1 compression ration and a turbocharger. Volkswagen, the manufacturer (who knows metric tons more than the above decal authors), recommends 92-octane for the engine. Therefore I will seek out and purchase 92-octane gasoline for my car; which inconveniently does not conform to the half-assed vagary of the above decal.

To illustrate my passion around this point, I wonder how much fun I'd have placing irrelevant regulations on something I could not care less about. Maybe I can force people only use lard for helping baked goods out of a pan and forbid its use as a baking ingredient. Oh, lard makes your cakes bake up tall and moist the way you like? Tough. I, an non-baker, have forbid it for your own good. See; I'm the authority and the choice is no longer yours.

Hey - you with those athletic shoes, doing household chores; put on proper shoes. You aren't competing in anything. This isn't a sport. Put on sensible, more rigid shoes. As someone who doesn't give a rip about shoes or your choice of footwear, I'm going to not allow you to use athletic footwear unless you are participating in an organized municipal athletic contest. I know better, see, because I am the authority here.

When the man comes for me, I'm going to claim my Vee Dub is a collector car. When they reject that claim because it doesn't fit their world view and I'm taken away, remember me and wonder who they'll come for next.

The Commercial That Started it All for Me

It would take 10 years, but I reamin a GTI man.

Doo Wop Soothes the Savege Beasts

Let's see the Dog Whisperer do this.

Satuday Night; What To Do?

Maybe I'll go see who's at the nightclub . . .

Crybabies in the News

Reasonable Person: "What are you majoring in?"
Professional Protester: "Moving the goal posts."

The visitors will have to follow rules when it comes to staying in Macalester students' dorm rooms and officials say there will be no camping. A student group called Students for a Democratic Society had requested the accommodations.

The group had wanted Macalester the bend the rules (because they are SO special and self-important) for a few days so that visitors would be guaranteed a place to stay. Now the group is accusing college officials of missing a prime opportunity to live up to its commitment to civic engagement.

Oh, that creepy Macalester College; they say they are trying to play by their own rules, but they clearly don't understand just how bad these children hate George W. Bush (who isn't running for anything).

By the way, these screaming children seem to have conveniently forgotten how Macalester is actually living up to it's stated commitment to civic engagement - it's housing the patchouli gang for (you just know) less per night than the Best Western. Do you think, for one second, they'd open their doors to the College Republicans?

Bulwer-Lytton 2008

My favorites from the whole list:

Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."

-Garrison Spik Washington, D.C.

"Die, commie pigs!" grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals.

-Dave Ranson Calgary, Alberta

Mike Hummer had been a private detective so long he could remember Preparation A, his hair reminded everyone of a rat who'd bitten into an electrical cord, but he could still run faster than greased owl snot when he was on a bad guy's trail, and they said his friskings were a lot like getting a vasectomy at Sears.

-Robert B. Robeson Lincoln, NE

Winner: Fantasy Fiction"Toads of glory, slugs of joy," sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.

-Alex Hall Greeley, CO

The mongrel dog began to lick her cheek voraciously with his sopping wet tongue, so wide and flat and soft, a miniature pink fleshy cape soaked through and oozing with liquid salivary gratitude; after all, she had rescued him from the clutches of Bernard, the curmudgeonly one-eyed dogcatcher, whose own tongue -- she remembered vividly the tongues of all her lovers -- was coarse and lethargic, like a slug in a sandpaper trenchcoat.

-Christopher Wey Pittsburgh, PA

Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater - love touches you, and marks you forever.

-Beth Fand Incollingo Haddon Heights, NJ

Timothy Hanson, Commander of the 43rd Space Regiment in the 52nd Battalion on board the USAOPAC (United Space Alliance Of Planets Attack Carrier) and second in command to Admiral L. R. Morris of the USAOP Space Command, awoke early for breakfast.

-Joe Schulman Cartersville, GA

The dual-headed Zhiltoids from Beta Quadrant in the Crab Nebula, who lived entirely on a diet of steaming hot asphalt, thought they had died and gone to heaven upon landing in the Midtown Mall of Fresno, California on the planet Earth during the month they called 'July'.

-Gregory Homer Sacramento, CA

"Let's see what this baby can do, Virgil," said Wyatt, as he floored the Charger, brushing a Dart out of the way, sideswiping an oncoming Lancer, rear-ending a Diplomat, and demolishing a row of Rams before catapulting head-on into the sheriff's Viper -- realizing that we'd indeed missed the turn-off to Abilene and ended up instead, in Dodge City.

-Paul Curtis Randburg, South Africa

Her lips were full and wanting in the kind of way that your tongue anticipates the happy burn of Hunan beef followed by the cooling swill of cheap beer, but never a malt liquor, as that would bruise the delicate tang of monosodium glutamate, the kind that only Sue Hong uses, that probably exacerbates her water retention, causing her lips to be unnaturally full and plump and always thirsty.

-Larry Davick San Francisco, CA

Properly Boiled Down

I find Adam Platt sometimes agreeable but always thoughtful. With regard to the upcoming Republican National Convention in Saint Paul, he's nailed it but good:

This convention was sought out by our Democratic mayors and Democrat leaning Congressional delegation as an economic development tool. They didn’t just bid for the DNC. They went for whichever one would bite. If we didn’t want the RNC,
we should have decided that beforehand. (Or we can let RT know at the ballot box in 2009. But we won’t because we are suckers for well-meaning earnestness and ineffectuality.)

I have to laugh after reading that several members of the Minneapolis City Council will be on the line in St. Paul protesting. It’s the usual suspects: the windmill tilters, the circus haters, the perpetual victims, the folks who spend the bulk of their time trying to solve social problems beyond their reach rather than figuring out how to make the city work. Councilmember Cam Gordon notes (in the Southwest Journal article), to his chagrin, that despite participating in decades of protests, protesting doesn’t seem to affect real change. Ding, ding, ding!

I wonder if the terms of former Minneapolis City Council member (and current convicted felon) Dean Zimmerman's probation will let him into my town to hurl his pathetic brickbats.

Speaking of the RNC convention, check out what type of flunkie the Mainstream Media relies upon to ply you with information:

With just two weeks to go until the Democratic vice presidential candidate is scheduled to speak at the convention in Minneapolis, it's crunch time for the VP wannabes.

Sorry, Vaughn; the convention is in Saint Paul. And it's the Republican convention. Other than those two inconveniently glaring errors, most of the rest of that sentence is correct.

Ideal Summer Night

The moon is nearly full with that soft yellow tint from the humidity. The just-finished cedar deck chairs still emulate Eau de Waterproofing. The cigar is Dominican, the beer Czech and the dog is descended from Duetchland. Even the famous mosquito is absent.

Es una noche muy buena.

Attractions at a Sixth-Century Theme Park

Welcome to Dark Ages Revival Land! There won't be thrill rides, festive parades, colorful food or family fun, but you can expect your goat to be offed:

Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram. Women were not allowed to buy cucumbers, only men." ucumbers, only men."

Other farcical stipulations include an edict not to buy or sell ice-cream, because it did not exist in the time of the Prophet, while hair salons and shops selling cosmetics have also been bombed.

If there's any good news here, it's that average folk in Iraq are fast growing weary of the fanatical whackjobs trying to beat them backwards by about a thousand years. Praise Allah, I guess, but do NOT pass the pickles!

Obama; He Saves!

Of course there's a video clip:

Of course the Russians complied with (Obama's) request. They've also started inflating their tires in order to reduce domestic demand and free up oil for export markets. It's like we don't even need to elect Obama to the White House--he can stop the rise of the seas, heal the planet, and bring us peace in our time just by issuing press releases from the comfort of his Hawaiian retreat.

Actually, Russia seems to have blown off that whole ceasefire thing, so maybe Obama can get back on the phone or something.

Do Not Want

Um . . . welcome home?

Noel Hanson forgave his wife for trying to kill him in December. On Monday, five hours after Sandra Hanson got out of jail and returned to the couple's Blaine home to begin serving her probation sentence, Noel Hanson wound up dead.

There might be a country music song here waiting to get out.

Maybe He Had Tran Fats in the Hour Before His Swim

Now remember children, before you do anything, make sure you get permission from mommy the city of Minneapolis:

A Minneapolis man went for a swim in Lake Nokomis Tuesday night, only to find Minneapolis Park Police waiting for him when he got out. Officers cited 41-year-old Tom Kleven for swimming too far. Kleven, who is training for a triathlon later this year, said he was attempting to swim shore-to-shore around 7:30 p.m.

Maybe the statute he violated was created to keep lousy swimmers from having their self esteem damaged by this evil go-getter.

"I kind of asked them, 'am I the person to be reprimanded?' and they said 'probably . . . you're the person to be fined,' said Kleven. Officers cited him for misdemeanor unauthorized beach-swim.Kleven faces a maximum penalty of 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Well, yea; I mean can we really have the nurturing teat of government allow its adult citizen residents to swim willy-nilly across a public lake?

"We should be allowed to swim in the lake wherever we want to," said Kleven.

Now stop with that silly talk, mere plebe. Don't you know that in Minneapolis the only freedoms come from progressive and expensive government ?

The Minneapolis Park Board rules state anyone who wants to swim across the lake needs to get a $115 permit so a lifeguard and boat can follow them. "We're really concerned about everybody's safety," said Minneapolis Park Police Sgt. Fred McCormick.

Way to go, Minneapolis; now get some one over to my house to make sure I'm handling raw chicken properly, wipe my neighbor's ass while you 're out this way and make sure the lady down the block has her thermostat set in accordance with Central Planning.

Since the offense is a misdemeanor, Kleven, who is a physician in St. Paul, will have to report the incident every time he renews his license.

That's double plus good to know because I, for one, will not allow such a notorious and heinous criminal to look into my ears and nose, that's for sure.

The Disease That is John Edwards

This story is so rich on so many levels: First, not only did this insufferable fink's doinking around take measurable time off his wife's remaining life and take a massive dump on his family and all the drones that supported him with time and money, he was clearly ready to accept the nomination only to have it all blow up in the face of half the electorate once it came out. And it always comes out. His narcissism would have handed it all to McCain or some much less-worthy opponent.

My Pretty Pony finally copped to his lies on the same Friday the Olympics started and Russia killed 2,000 civilians. He was so hoping for 'below the fold' on this one. And if you could stomach his smarm with Bob Woodruff, all you got was a reminder about how everything is all about him. He now has to make sure the terminally ill Mrs. Edwards is on the Edwards bandwagon:

Edwards declares "it's not possible that [Rielle Hunter's] child could be mine," adding that he's "happy" to take a paternity test and "truly hopeful that a test will be done." The next day Rielle Hunter's lawyer says "Rielle will not participate in DNA testing." Are you buying this? For one thing, if Edwards is really certain he isn't the father of the kid, wouldn't he have demanded a paternity test to clear his name, not just indicated his hope for a test? ... Too late to change the tone now! P.S.-Story #2 is Elizabeth's too: Note also that it's not just John Edwards denying his paternity, it's his wife Elizabeth. In her Kos post she writes: Because of a recent string of hurtful and absurd lies in a tabloid publication, because of a picture falsely suggesting that John was spending time with a child it wrongly alleged he had fathered outside our marriage, our private matter could no longer be wholly private. Shouldn't she be demanding a paternity test? ... If Story #2 unravels and turns into Cover up #2, will it have been a cover up of which Elizabeth has now been an active (if not necessarily knowing) promoter?

Here's a lot about how the mainstream media ran painfully obvious cover for Edwards:

The Edwards mess is the most recent and visible, but hardly unique, example of the mainstream media’s hear no evil/see no evil approach to newsgathering. How many other stories has the MSM missed, denied or avoided? From Rathergate to Reverend Wright to the success of the surge, the pattern is the same: MSM stalls, shuffles its collective feet, and doggedly ignores information for as long as possible until they can no longer do so with a straight face. The fact that these stories without exception work to the detriment of Democrats is apparently a grand coincidence. And the notion that they are upholding some “journalistic standard” is rendered absurd.

Edwards’ story wasn’t important on Thursday, but it was on Friday because he confessed? No, the level of proof changed, but the story’s relevance did not. If it wasn’t worthy of investigation before the ABC interview then it was unworthy of mention afterwards. Their explanation for their editorial decision-making is no more credible than . . . well than Edwards himself.

It's Good to Be the King

"How are you gals finding the Chinese sand?"

First; We Kill All the Dogs

The more guns, helmets and tactical toys you give to, uh, "law enforcement," the more chicknshit they get:

A police SWAT team raided the home of the mayor in the Prince George's County town of Berwyn Heights on Tuesday, shooting and killing his two dogs, after he brought in a 32-pound package of marijuana that had been delivered to his doorstep, police said.

Mayor Cheye Calvo was not arrested in the raid, which was carried out about 7 p.m. by the Sheriff's Office SWAT team and county police narcotics officers. Prince George's police spokesman Henry Tippett said yesterday that all the residents of the house -- Calvo, his wife and his mother-in-law -- are "persons of interest" in the case. The package was addressed to Calvo's wife, Trinity Tomsic, said law enforcement officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the case is ongoing.

They have to spend a few days getting their story straight.

Tippett said police are working to determine for whom the drugs were meant.

They're working on that now. After busting in. After tieing up the mother-in-law. After shooting the Labrador Retrievers to death.

"My government blew through my doors and killed my dogs," Calvo said. "They thought we were drug dealers, and we were treated as such. I don't think they
really ever considered that we weren't." Sgt. Mario Ellis, a Sheriff's Office spokesman, said the deputies who entered Calvo's home "apparently felt threatened" by the dogs.

See; chickeshits.

Berwyn Heights Police Chief Patrick Murphy said county police and the Sheriff's Office had not notified his department of the raid. He said town police could have conducted the search without a SWAT team. "You can't tell me the chief of police of a municipality wouldn't have been able to knock on the door of the mayor of that municipality, gain his confidence and enter the residence," Murphy said. "It would not have been a necessity to shoot and kill this man's dogs."

The updated versions of the story discuss the fact that Mrs. Mayor is the victim of identity theft and if anyone in the SWAT cult had done some basic police work, the dogs would still be in the kitchen wagging their tails.

Thursday, Calvo called on the U.S. Justice Department's civil rights division to investigate the raid and other similar actions by Prince George's law enforcement. He said officers burst into his house without knocking or announcing themselves, in violation of the warrant they had."Trinity was an innocent and random victim of identity theft. Apparently, so were four or five other county residents whose names and addresses were stolen and used as addresses on drug packages," Calvo said at a news conference outside his house, near a garden of tomatoes and strawberries."However, Trinity and our family have not been treated as victims of a crime. Instead, our home was invaded. Our two beloved Labrador retrievers are dead. My mother-in-law and I were tied up for nearly two hours," he said. "We were harmed by the very people who took an oath to protect us."

The story failed to mention where they all got their lobotomies prior to kicking in the door. Ah yes - no knock raid; among the things the founding fathers feared most. Here's a video link to the AP story - check out how the spokesthing for the armed county employees brushes aside the pathetic incompetence.

When Adults Have to Scold the Children

Here at the Dog Farm, we consume lots of print media. Most of that written by adults (as opposed to children), like this:

If Senator Obama is as exercised about "outrageous" profits as he says he is, he might also have to turn on a few liberal darlings. Oh, say, Berkshire Hathaway. Warren Buffett's outfit pulled in $11 billion last year, up 29% from 2006. Its profit margin -- if that's the relevant figure -- was 11.47%, which beats out the American oil majors. Or consider Google, which earned a mere $4.2 billion but at a whopping 25.3% margin. Google earns far more from each of its sales dollars than does Exxon, but why doesn't Mr. Obama consider its advertising-search windfall worthy of special taxation?

The point is that what constitutes an abnormal profit is entirely arbitrary. It is in the eye of the political beholder, who is usually looking to soak some unpopular business. In other words, a windfall is nothing more than a profit earned by a business that some politician dislikes. And a tax on that profit is merely a form of politically motivated expropriation. It's what politicians do in Venezuela, not in a free country.

Read the whole thing. It's exceptionally clear and it's conclusion shows that it's really not actually hyperbole to call Obama a Marxist on this one.

A Very Selective Sorry

I don't know when Steve Cohen is up for election, but he's already running for reelection - and painfully so:

It is not exactly clear at whom this apology is targeted. Many older American black people suffered from Jim Crow, but no younger ones did. As for slavery, apportioning the status of victim and perpetrator based on heredity is misguided. There are white Americans who are descended from slaves. There are black Americans who are descended from slave-owners. (One of them is running for president.) If slavery has warped US society as much as this bill claims, then all Americans of all races are owed an apology. Since that would be meaningless – no one can apologise to himself – the bill’s language excludes black people from the political family. To apologise to African-Americans” in the name of “the people of the United States” is to separate one from the other.

“Apologies are not empty gestures,” Mr Cohen said after the bill’s passage, “but are a necessary first step towards any sort of reconciliation between people.” Apparently a second step is required to lift the bill above suspicion of moral grandstanding. What is that step? It is some form of reparations, for which such legislation can provide a legal justification? Since reparations are a perennial political loser, the bill’s sponsors and defenders are keen to reassure Americans that their bill mentions no such thing. But following their logic, there is no reason it should not.

Read it all - God knows no one on tee vee has bothered to (or has the capacity to) give this so much thought.

As an aside - I have a hard time standing under the umbrella or all this congressional-mandated white guilt as I'm only fourth-generation American; seven of my eight great-grandparents got off the boat decades after the Civil War was decided.

Pelosi's Iron "Skirtin"

(Continuing to practice my Reynoldsisms) They told me if George W. Bush was reelected, rogue congressional leadership would stifle the peoples' elected representatives and strong arm the press, and they were right!

“This is the people’s House,” bellowed the House Republican Leader John Boehner, who spearheaded the unusual demonstration, “and the people deserve to be heard.” Congressman Boehner introduced each member who wished to address the large rambunctious crowd in the chamber.

At one point, the microphones and the lights in the Chamber shut off in an effort to discourage the rally, but members continued to speak—and shout—in the dark. The Capitol Police tried to remove reporters, and were it not for a rotation of Congressmen taking turns in the press gallery, the Sergeant at Arms would have
locked the doors at the Speaker’s request.

Almost as bad as removing the press and abusing her power, Nancy Pelosi slammed the door on any debate on how to deal with the issue that's #1 among Americans right now.