Maybe He Had Tran Fats in the Hour Before His Swim

Now remember children, before you do anything, make sure you get permission from mommy the city of Minneapolis:

A Minneapolis man went for a swim in Lake Nokomis Tuesday night, only to find Minneapolis Park Police waiting for him when he got out. Officers cited 41-year-old Tom Kleven for swimming too far. Kleven, who is training for a triathlon later this year, said he was attempting to swim shore-to-shore around 7:30 p.m.

Maybe the statute he violated was created to keep lousy swimmers from having their self esteem damaged by this evil go-getter.

"I kind of asked them, 'am I the person to be reprimanded?' and they said 'probably . . . you're the person to be fined,' said Kleven. Officers cited him for misdemeanor unauthorized beach-swim.Kleven faces a maximum penalty of 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Well, yea; I mean can we really have the nurturing teat of government allow its adult citizen residents to swim willy-nilly across a public lake?

"We should be allowed to swim in the lake wherever we want to," said Kleven.

Now stop with that silly talk, mere plebe. Don't you know that in Minneapolis the only freedoms come from progressive and expensive government ?

The Minneapolis Park Board rules state anyone who wants to swim across the lake needs to get a $115 permit so a lifeguard and boat can follow them. "We're really concerned about everybody's safety," said Minneapolis Park Police Sgt. Fred McCormick.

Way to go, Minneapolis; now get some one over to my house to make sure I'm handling raw chicken properly, wipe my neighbor's ass while you 're out this way and make sure the lady down the block has her thermostat set in accordance with Central Planning.

Since the offense is a misdemeanor, Kleven, who is a physician in St. Paul, will have to report the incident every time he renews his license.

That's double plus good to know because I, for one, will not allow such a notorious and heinous criminal to look into my ears and nose, that's for sure.