How to Win the Nomination

Wow, who can fault this?

"Many bad things are not just bad—they're terrible," said a beaming (John) Edwards, whose "Only the Good Things" proposal builds upon previous efforts to end poverty, outlaw startlingly loud noises, and offer tax breaks to those who smile
frequently. "Other candidates have plans that would reduce some of the bad things, but I want all of them gone completely."

"Racism will soon be a thing of the past," Edwards said. "Same goes for being picked last for playground athletics, AIDS, robbery, not having enough spending money, and murder. Because these things are bad and not good, I promise they will be eliminated."

Pay no mind to the parody aspect and get on the Edwards train - first the lobotomy, then to the voting booth!